on change
april 21, 2025
last night, i dreamt that i was back in highschool, living in our old apartment and listening to pop punk music like the old days. during that time, my friends and i would regularly hang out at a fast food chain during fridays to escape the Horrors of school. it was a nice, simple time.
we don't get to hang out that much anymore because of life in general. it was a hard change. especially because i feel that we're all platonic soulmates. it's very funny how we all became friends. one day during 9th grade, after a grueling day of practice for our upcoming school play, we were the only ones left floating around. then out of nowhere, we all sat down and had an existential discussion. just like that. we weren't strangers at all. we knew about each others' existence for over 2 years, but that was the first time we all saw each other properly. we talked for maybe 2 hours. after that, fridays became our thing.
i'm scared of the future - of more changes on the way; but at least i'll be able to meet them later because of this short holiday season.
signed, alice
the before-30 bucketlist
april 16, 2025
i turned 22 yesterday. the celebration involved my mom and i cooking lots of mostly local dishes. my boyfriend brought cake and ice cream, and we all stuffed ourselves till we couldn't even think properly; i ate lots of chicken even though i'm allergic, because as they say: #yolo.
as a 22-year-old, most of my life's focus has been on keeping my grades up. it used to be a fun game, until highschool when it started to become Mandatory. looking back, i didn't really have any concrete goals. just the usual finish school and get a job. i didn't do much, either, because i'd be too caught up on academics. i'd hear about/see other people my age moving out, travelling, signing up for the gym, joining competitions, etc. in a way, i felt like i had to catch up. there was an hourglass in my head constantly dropping sand grains, but that hourglass wasn't even timing anything, because i'd be stuck in my usual cycle of waking up, going to school, then sleeping.
thinking about all this last night as the birthday fever settled down was no good at all. so today, i'm making a bucketlist for things i want to accomplish before turning 30 to get my motivation up.
the before-30 bucketlist by alice
- get an apartment with my bf
- travel to japan before my passport expires
- get into baking
- go snorkeling (i can't swim)
- learn how to swim
- develop a game
- take up quiltmaking
- learn sewing
- learn pottery
- taste real wasabi
- taste at least 20 different varieties of cheese
- get over my food allergies (is this even possible)
- do a cartwheel successfully
- ride a roller coaster
- eat a ghost pepper or whichever chilli pepper is the spiciest
- take up birdwatching
- reach at least n3 level fluency in japanese
- perfect a cookie recipe of my own
- knit a sweater
- grow a rose bush
- watch a live concert
- have fun
signed, alice
this diary belongs to alice.
please return if lost.
on change